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New virus outbreaks BEWARE OF NEW VIRUS OUTBREAKS! * Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB. * AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. * MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. * Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." * Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole dang thing quits. * Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. * Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network. * Government Economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. * New World Order virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. * Federal Bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing,but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. * Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. * Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. * Bobbit Virus: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it (but that part will never work again). * Congressional virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. * Airline virus: You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore. * Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard. * Public Television virus: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money. * Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self distructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America. * Ollie North virus: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder. * Nike virus: Just does it. |
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